Letting Go of a Love That Couldn’t Keep Up

It’s crazy how long you can stay in something, convinced you're asking for too much, when the truth is—you were just asking of it from the wrong person.

For 2.5 years, I was with someone I thought I’d always wanted. We’ve known each other for almost seven years, and I'll admit, I had that schoolgirl crush on him. I imagined a future, spoke our relationship into existence, and believed this was everything I’d been waiting for. At first, it felt like a breath of fresh air—new, exciting, and everything seemed to line up. But the cracks showed faster than I expected.

Now, I want to make it clear from the start—I’m not here to bash him, point fingers or make this a blame game. This is just my truth. I’m sharing the journey of how we got here, why things didn’t work out, and how I came to realize that no matter how much I loved him, the relationship wasn’t meant to be.

The trauma and pain I carried from my previous relationship definitely impacted how I showed up in this one. I’ve been self-aware enough to admit that sometimes my fears and insecurities drove me to be insufferable, a nag, or just flat out hard to deal with. There were moments I wasn’t at my best, and I can own that. But let’s be real—this relationship was failing because of his shortcomings too. And I got tired of pretending they didn’t exist.

I wasn’t asking for much. I wasn’t asking for grand gestures, diamonds, or fairy tales. Well okay, actually I was. What can I say, I am spoiled and high-maintenance. But none of that was relevant when the emotional availability, effort, thoughtfulness—basic things weren’t present. Instead, I got a man who couldn’t meet me where I needed him. He was emotionally distant, and no matter how many times I tried to communicate my needs, or provide the safe space for him to communicate his, it was like I was talking to a brick wall. I convinced myself it would change—that eventually, he would get it. That he grew up on survival opposed to me growing up on love. But after all this time, I realized that what I was really doing was waiting for him to show up, while I was the only one putting in the work.

I loved flowers. Simple, right? But he only remembered to get me some when he was in the doghouse, and that became his go-to move to win me back—not because he wanted to make me happy, but because he felt he had to. That manipulation, disguised as affection, left me feeling more alone than if he hadn’t done anything at all. And when it came to special moments—Valentine’s Day, my birthday—those should’ve felt like a celebration. But no, those were ruined too. I spent too many birthdays and holidays wondering why I was the only one who cared enough to make an effort. Deep down, I just knew this next Valentine’s Day would be no different.

The thing is, I stayed for so long because I didn’t want to be the girl who couldn’t make it work after a toxic relationship. My ex before him told me that this guy would never commit to me, and I stayed longer than I should’ve just to prove him wrong. But here’s the truth: I wasn’t proving anyone wrong. I was proving myself right by staying in something that wasn’t fulfilling, that wasn’t making me happy, just because I wanted so badly for it to work.

I wasn’t perfect in no way, shape, or form. I brought my past into this relationship, and I’m not going to pretend like that didn’t affect how I showed up. But here’s the thing—I was doing the best I could, and I wanted this relationship to work. I gave so much of myself to someone who couldn’t meet me halfway. And when I realized that, I had to face the hard truth: this wasn’t my fault. I can’t keep blaming myself for a relationship that was failing because he couldn’t show up for me. And it’s not that I didn’t believe he didn’t love me; it’s just that the love he had for me wasn’t strong enough to make me stay. Because, in the end, love isn’t always enough. To me, love is a choice—a conscious decision you make every single day. But even with that, it’s the bare minimum. Love, in its purest form, is easy. It's what you do with that love, how you nurture it, how you show up for someone, that truly matters.

I still love that man, and I genuinely hope the best for his future. I pray that he takes the lessons from the past year—the ‘constant bitching’ as he called it—and learns from it so that he can treat the next woman with the care and respect she deserves. It’s such a bittersweet feeling when something doesn’t work out. As I mentioned months ago in a previous blog, the expiration date had arrived. Holding on to something that no longer served me was only hurting me, leading me to grow resentment toward a man I once adored. Who knows what the future holds—maybe one day, our paths will cross again—but for now, we've run our course. Maybe it was the wrong time and not necessarily the wrong person, and had I ended the relationship earlier when the signs were first there, it could’ve given us both time to be apart and grow/heal in other areas, rather than waste time we can’t get back.

Looking back, it’s hard to understand how a relationship that should have ended after six months lasted so long. I often wonder how things might have been different if I had recognized sooner that it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe I would’ve spared myself the hurt, the self-doubt, the endless cycles of trying to make something work that just wasn’t ever going to.

Oddly enough, I feel like he might be my karma from the relationship before. Hear me out—because if you’ve been following along, you’re probably thinking, How the hell is this karma? or even better, What could you have possibly done to deserve this? Remember when I said my previous ex would apologize profusely and try over and over to amend things? Well, part of his attempts at reconciliation required my cooperation, my vulnerability, my trust—things I flat-out refused to give, accept, or reciprocate. And while my refusal was valid, sometimes I can’t help but wonder, Damn, maybe this is how I made my ex feel when all he wanted was a fresh start. What if the way I reacted to his vulnerability and pleas for acceptance is the universe’s way of making me feel it, through this guy?

It’s a tough pill to swallow, but maybe that’s just how life works. Sometimes, you find yourself on the other side of something you once refused to give, and in that, you learn more than you ever expected. This wasn’t a failure on my part—it was a failure of him to be the man I needed him to be. And at the end of the day, that’s not something I can carry