Reclaiming my time..

Sometimes it's hard to stay on track, well really, all the time. But lately? Remaining focus hasn't been working in my favor to say the least. I moved to Charlotte with the intention that I would come here and get on my shit. Little ol' Alix in an upcoming city for blacks with the connections I knew in my field? Sounded good, great actually. Ironically, me moving to a new city turned out to be the biggest waste of my time. Just four months later, I've thrown the towel in and will be moving back to Atlanta in a little bit over a month.

Since relocating to Charlotte, I've truly lost it. I wish I could say it was because I was tied up adulting or something that sounds productive, or even something as irresponsible as me getting caught up in the nightlife of a new city. But the truth of it is, I've had no interest in writing-- hence my two month hiatus. I haven't picked up a book in months, I barely watch the news anymore, and I can't remember the last time I even sat down and just added to my list of short-term goals. I had all these ideas that needed to be implemented, but no desire to get it done. I would react to things I'd see and think "Oh that'll be a good blog post," and never follow through. Every time I attempted to write, I'd find some way to push it off-- telling myself I'll come back to it in a few hours. Well hours turned into days, days turned into weeks and well here we are 5 days shy from two months of me not updating my blog.

I woke up one morning crying and realized Charlotte wasn't for me. I wasn't happy nor was I focused and I always found myself feeling lonely. I took some time to reflect on my goals and realized that I was making no progress. NONE whatsoever. I began to feel like a bum. I went from having this mindset of 'Corporate America from 9-5 and Vision building from 5-9' to just Corporate America. I started to settle. I had fell off,  hard and I knew it but I couldn't admit it. I wanted to put the blame on someone else so badly-- friends, family, a fuck boy anyone I could think of. But when it came down to it,  I was the only one to blame. Not only was I not putting in the effort, I had become okay with it. I called my parents and told them I was moving back to Atlanta. I had no real plan, hadn't really thought anything through like where I would work or live. I just knew when I went for homecoming, I wasn't returning to Charlotte. 

Remember when Maxine Waters shook the nation as she gracefully shut down Steven Mnuchin with the phrase 'reclaiming my time,' as he rambled off topic avoiding her question?  Ya, well I felt that on a spiritual level. It took some time for it to sink in, but thanks to Auntie Maxine, I was able to rightfully take back  what's mine and get focused. Me reclaiming my time goes deeper than just getting back the four months lost in Charlotte. Although I am reclaiming my time from myself seeing as lately I have been my biggest distraction, I am also reclaiming it from others, especially with me moving back to Atlanta. I am not moving back to Atlanta for anyone's satisfaction other than mine. The decision to move back was for the sake of my happiness, spirit and inner peace. I cannot afford to lose sight on the bigger picture.  I cannot allow myself to fall back into old habits and I sure as hell cannot and will not entertain old situations.