Embracing a Soft Life as a Single Mom: Finding Balance in Strength and Femininity
Between the demands of your role as the only in-house parent, and our feminine desire to embrace our true emotional being, navigating the journey of single motherhood can be an exhausting and challenging road. Often times, many of us find ourselves juggling the responsibilities of being the head of the household, wearing many hats - provider, caregiver, and decision-maker, while also wanting to create a nurturing and “soft” environment for the kiddos. Regardless of the circumstances that define your role as a single mom—whether or not the father is involved in co-parenting—you are the primary parent in your household. This means you’re responsible for managing daily duties for yourself and your child(ren), which often requires tapping into your masculine energy. You can embody the most feminine qualities, but when your household lacks a male presence, it’s natural to lean into that stronger, more assertive energy. Is it possible to truly embody a gentle, soft life while maintaining the routines and order (alone) that is needed to run a tight ship within your home?
WHAT IS A “SOFT LIFE”?
The concept of a soft girl life or era is subjective—it’s shaped by individual circumstances, households, and relationships. Many people equate a soft life with lavish aesthetics: beautifully minimalistic homes, designer items, wealth, and extravagant lifestyles, and sadly fall into the trap of comparison, — the biggest thief of joy. It can be overwhelming, and sometimes we just need to step outside and reconnect with reality. A soft life is fundamentally about being soft—plush, relaxed, well-rested, and gentle. It’s about creating an environment and mindset that feels nurturing and supportive, regardless of your situation. Embracing this softness can take many forms, and it’s important to remember that it’s not defined by material possessions or societal standards, but instead, a lifestyle characterized by comfort, ease, and a sense of luxury—whether that’s physical, emotional, mental and/or financial.
When people think of single moms, they think of resilience and strength — masculine as fuck, right? Why are we typically stereotyped to fall under the category of struggle AND masculine, and often overlooked past our biological “calling” of emotional beings? Can we not be dainty, gentle and nurturing without a man’s presence? The simple answer is perception. Whether these perceptions are from personal experiences or societal misconceptions/biases, many people cannot fathom the idea of a woman raising a child primarily by herself to be anything beyond bitter, dominant and masculine. To them, its nearly impossible for a soft life full of leisure, and indulgence to be the life of a single mom, ironically enough, the struggle “get it from the trenches” life they think single moms have, isn’t exclusively to single moms. In fact, many Americans, with or without children, are facing similar challenges. The economy is shit, inflation is high, the cost of living isn’t affordable, and let’s not get into the job market. I truly do believe that those who dismiss the idea of a (single mom’s) soft life might be projecting their frustrations. It’s understandable to feel irate when you’re struggling to create a structured, comfortable life for yourself, especially when you see others enjoying their version of it.
Creating Your Soft Life
While the challenges of single motherhood are real, the possibility of living a soft life is within reach, and as mentioned earlier that looks different person. Understanding masculine and feminine energies plays a huge role in finding the balance between the two and are essential to creating your soft life without the presence of a male (The Way of a Superior Man is a good read for both genders to give you a better understanding on these energies). For me, a soft life embodies peace and quiet, a stress-free environment—whether at work, home, or in romance. Achieving the perfect work-life balance, living unapologetically, and being mentally, emotionally, physically and financially rich in spirit . This balance enables me to shift between masculine and feminine energies, almost like code-switching, adapting to the needs of each situation I come from an upper class family and had a child with an upper class man and between those two contributing factors and me approaching my seventh year in industrial real estate, I am fortunate enough to have never faced financial struggles, which certainly alleviates some stress when maintaining my soft life and being comfortable. And while money is a great tool and resource in life, it isn’t the only guarantee to having a soft comfortable life. Below are some things I have implemented (and some I plan to) to help ensure I maintain a soft and comfortable in-home environment for my son and I that do not revolve around finances:
Establishing a routine and schedule:. I follow a strict schedule and put everything on my calendar—if it’s not on the outlook calendar, it’s not happening. My days are meticulously planned, with a minimum of seven days' notice for any activities.
Early start: Waking up 30 minutes before my son during the work/school week gives me quiet time to gather my thoughts and set the tone for my day. This is the time I use to show my gratitude, prepare breakfast, and finalize lunch that was prepped the previous night.
Letting my body rest - I’ve become known for taking days to do absolutely nothing. I have no shame in calling off work just to recharge, I list to my body and allow myself time to reset before it resets for me.
Encouraging Independence/ age-appropriate chores: My son has his own "chores" based on his skill level. For a 4-year-old, this means picking up toys, disposing of snack trash, putting dirty dishes in the sink, and putting his belongings in the proper location( dirty clothes in the hamper, shoes in the shoe rack, etc.).
Daily Household Chores: Piggy-backing off the first point, I tackle household chores daily instead of saving them for the weekend. Waiting to handle everything on my days off has a negative impact my quality of life. I do a load of laundry each day, and assign specific days for cleaning bathrooms and rooms after work. The kitchen is the ONLY room that is cleaned daily. If you tidy up a different space every day, there is no need to clean everyday. And as of last month, my house gets professionally deep cleaned on a monthly basis.
Teaching Boundaries: I teach my son about boundaries, including a "quiet hour" where he knows to leave me alone to decompress and reset for an hour. I saw one mom say her kids are not allowed to bother her and her husband in the morning on weekends until 8am. These kids are waking up at the ass crack of dawn and running straight to your room begging for breakfast, and jumping on you. I’ve been slowly teaching mine to NOT do that, but weekend mornings are still a work in progress.