2019, I'm ready for you.
I’M BACK BITCHES!
First and foremost, I want to apologize for taking yet another unexpected and unannounced hiatus, however; I do want to thank each and everyone of you for your continuous support and always believing in me, even during times I didn’t believe in myself.
As many of you know, Live with Alix turned two this past Saturday, it’s been a long time coming but we made it. We are finally two years old. Side-note, if you missed the event, here’s a small recap. To be 100% truthful with you guys, I didn’t think I’d see this day— there were many times I wanted to give up. Knowing that there are so many people who look forward to my writing and love and support me is a feeling I cannot describe nor can I really put into words.
You guys have been waiting for this day for MONTHS, I figured I’d be the cliche blogger who makes her first post of the year your typical self reflection post. I owe myself that much. And to be honest, my readers as well. After all, I wouldn’t have made it to year two without everyone’s support.
2018 was a chock full of lessons and losses. I was forced to heal myself and take accountability for my actions. I had to grow up and realize that 98% of the things that happened to me, whether they were good or bad were almost 100% my fault, and in the rare instances things weren’t in my control, I was responsible for what was to come next and how I handled it.
Despite the rocky start, 2018 was very abundant filled with great moments and memories. I am eager to see what 2019 will have in store for me. I’m looking forward to more traveling, growth, meeting new people, learning new things and many more. But before I touch on my goals for the new year, let’s look back at a few things I’ve accomplished, learned and loss these last 12 months.
Change and growth hurts like hell, but its inevitable. Whether you’re growing a part from friends, family or your significant other, please know it is 100% normal. Stop trying to fight the fact that you’re evolving. As humans, we are constantly evolving from day-to-day life experiences. I learned it’s OK to clean up blockages and people that no longer serve you. For me, cleansing people out of my life wasn’t the hard part, it was acknowledging my own toxic patterns and changing. If you’re going to rid yourself of toxic people and environments, you have to be willing to acknowledge the toxic traits you possess as well.
Loving someone doesn’t mean you are entitled to have them.
Words matter : communication is the key to mature healthy relationships. As much of a no brainer this may sound like, you’d be surprised how many people absolutely SUCK at communicating, So many people know how to talk. Talking is easy, its figuring out what to say and how to say it that makes people shitty communicators. Believe it or not, the types of conversations you have with people matter, challenge yourself to change the tone of your conversation, and if the people you have surrounded yourself with are not able to, change the people you surround yourself with.
Sometimes, you are in the wrong. Now this one might have been my most favorable lesson thus far. For the first time in my life, I’ve been able to see my wrongdoings and hold myself accountable for my shitty actions. Accountability is a hard pill for most to swallow, and for the longest it was for me as well— even when I knew I was wrong, I wouldn’t openly admit it. Something about my pride wouldn’t allow me to accept the fault. I’d chuck it up as a loss and never speak on it again. It took me almost losing a valuable relationship for me to see how stubborn I truly was. Learning how to give a genuine apology was definitely my biggest lesson. In the year 2018 alone, I’ve admitted my wrongs and apologized more than I have in my 23 years of living.
Emotional maturity is one of the most attractive traits you can possess. It’s okay to be in-touch with your emotions. Invalidating someone’s feelings isn’t attractive. You will lose people who matter the most to you if you continue to show narcissistic like behavior. Lacking empathy and showing signs of clear apathy hurt you more than you think they ‘protect’ you. Listen. Speak. Show that you care.
It’s okay to be vulnerable. Nobody wants to be vulnerable, and I don’t blame them. If you would’ve told me 12 months ago that I would learn to let my guard down and allow someone to love me I’d probably laugh in your face. The thought of vulnerability scares me shitless, I mean why on earth I voluntarily subject myself to possibly being hurt and embarrassed? As a Virgo, being vulnerable doesn’t come easy, it’s not a walk in the park and ain’t shit sweet about becoming more trusting and lowering your defense, trust me. I’ve learned to be more trusting, I’ve been able to connect with others more, and most importantly I’ve been able to stop being so hard on myself as a ‘perfectionist’ and understand that no one is perfect.
All in all, 2018 was nothing short of amazing. I took a humbling loss or two but my bounce back was something vicious— God’s Plan, literally. . I learned, I loved, I grew and I cried. It was the year of breakthroughs, growth and accountability.
2018 was the year of growth. 2019 is all about consistency and keeping the same energy— keeping, not matching. I am vowing to myself, and my readers to remain consistent. With both my writing and blogs, as well as my energy from last year pertaining to my growth.